Why everything changes when your friends get engaged

The season is changing and this time of year kinda triggers a hibernation feeling within us. The need to spend our nights snuggling up on the sofa, eating bangers and mash and becoming addicted to infinite box sets.  (The winter dream, right?) We also spend that time scrolling through all of our friends social media feeds to see what’s happening in their lives. We become hooked on those endless ring selfies, heartfelt proposal stories regardless of our own relationship status. We’re genuinely happy, but know in our hearts that times are a changing too. Why does this happen? We take a look at those changing emotions and discuss why we need our besties in our lives…

Hopewell and friends at her wedding in 2014

Hopewell and friends at her wedding in 2014

Friendship lifecycle

All friendships have a lifecycle, and they do depend on mutual commitment and shared evolution to survive. Engagements and weddings are both such colossal life moments, they do naturally tests all manner of female friendships, with some friendships getting stronger and some falling away.

When I got married in June 2014, my closest friends from both primary and secondary school were by my side. One of them travelled from the other side of the country to be there and my friendships were strengthened as they supported me through the wedding planning process, sharing their expertise, and the endless wedding dress shopping trips. Our connections were strong before and now as our lives evolve through children and living longer distances away, when we spend time together, we cement our bonds, making it priority to plan more face time.

Hopewell and bridesmaid Julie at her wedding

Hopewell and bridesmaid Julie at her wedding

Always on lifestyle

Before we know it, our favourite phrase has become ‘there are not enough hours in the day.’ Our lifestyles have changed with the emergence of technology and with our friends having a new family in their lives, their diary becomes ten times busier and we become more unavailable. True friends don’t let life interrupt a relationship and make a time for a catch-up call or visit a priority. That said, we all make judgment errors from time to time when it comes to our relationships, but genuine friendships know how to weather the storm. When conflicts come up, real friends have the courage to reach out directly and because they understand they are capable of forgiving.  However one of the main reasons why friendships fall by the wayside is not making time to see each other so put some time aside to nurture those relationships to make them stronger.

BFFs help us to be more accepting of ourselves

Self-doubt is potentially one of our greatest faults but our true friends really are able to boost our spirits when we’re feeling down. We genuinely feel better about ourselves when we have supportive and encouraging people in our lives, so keep these people close, especially going through exciting life experiences like an impending wedding!

True friends really listen.
How many times have you tried to have a conversation with someone, only for that person to change the topic back to him or herself? So frustrating. Somehow the venting moments and the catch-up sessions with them aren’t quite as enjoyable as before. Conversations with real friends aren’t one-sided and being able to have an open, two-way dialogue with someone helps make that relationship stronger. People who are good listeners validate other people’s feelings and conversation that actively pays attention to the other person provides the reassurance that you’re actually making sense! (I know I certainly don’t at times!)

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Subtle changes

The change could actually be so subtle that you don’t even notice it at first, the big singles night out turned down with simple, ‘no, not this weekend’ could turn into larger shift because values and goals shifted from those of single friends and more married friends. Here are things you can do to protect your most important friendships. Spending one-on-one time with your besties maybe better than going out in a group and taking a weekend together is an amazing time to re-bond and create new experiences to remember. Re-discover the values and goals you used to share together and celebrate those memories together to re-bond.

Our besties support us through the highs and the lows

The friends in our lives are about as close to family as you can get. It’s one thing to have friends who provide support during times of success, but genuine friends are there through all of our highs, lows and all those dramas in-between. To be able to know someone is there through all those times in our lives is a real sign of friendship. #FriendshipGoals.

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